Mood: Happy Tears
Listening to: Jeffree Star- Prom Night
Reading: Sociology Book: Sections 6&7
Watching: Blank Television
Well, I have no give you guys much of an update lately so I figured I would go ahead and be the first to say, things are so much better than they were. Meaning, things in my life, socially, are a ton better.
A quick rerun; for the whole summer, I left my mother and went to live with my grandparents to prove myself to my mom; I mean what I say and you're not taking advantage of me anymore. I left the last day of school, and had no intentions of coming home because I did not have the slightest bit of hope for that woman. But over the summer, I got texts from my mom begging me to come home. Saying she was sorry, saying how much she missed me, saying how my siblings missed me, saying how she just wanted me home... At first, I was defiant to the texts. "She's just gonna pull me back in to this situation and do it all over again. I'm not going back. I hate that bitch." But as time went along, I started to consider how my mother was acting and comparing it to the way she used to act to the situations. She would insult me (verbal abuse) and always put me down. She would never talk to me, she would crush my dreams, she would make me feel like I was just another useless soul to the Earth. And for years, I gave in and believed her. But I realized, I don't have to live through a living hell like this. I am putting my foot down. The first time I saw her after my leaving was at my sister's dance recital. I approached them to go and see Andrew and she would not even glance at me. This was only a week or so after my leaving and she was still angry and believing that I would actually come home. She tried to bribe me by saying you can see Andrew if you come to the house and talk it out. But I rejected the offer. I was not giving in this time. The second time I saw my mother over the summer after I left, was at my baby brother's birthday party. She had invited me to come and I knew I would because I love my baby brother. I missed him so dearly all the time I was gone. It was like a reunion seeing him when I got there. And my mother held me tight when I got there. I knew she wanted me home, but I was not done giving her the "reap just what you sow" treatment. She was going to realize, I am not being a dunce here. I was not coming home, ever, unless a miracle were to pounce on her cranium and say a blessing. I was done, and I meant it. I know the stubbornness of my mother and I knew I needed to be hard on her. My mother then invited me to the beach with her husband, my brother, sister, and grandmother. I accepted and went and had the greatest time. I then went off for three weeks to my cousin's in Pennsylvania and I told my mother that I was going to come for a few days and stay there until school started; which was only a couple of days away. So I went, and I felt like I never have before. It was not the same household I had stepped in before I left. It was changed. I told my mother I was staying. And ever since, I know I made the right choice.
Okay, other than my mother, things have been greater.
As many of you may know, I am in early college: a program in which I will earn a associate's degree and diploma whenever I graduate high school. The standard plan is five years to complete this course. I, being a determined bitch to leave the hell that is Richmond County, decided over the summer that I was going to do the three year plan. Thus, I would not even attend the twelfth year of high school. I would basically skip it, other than completing the Senior Project. I will be graduating next school year, 2014, in May, with an associate's degree and diploma.
You others may also know, or have scavenged from my small biography below my DeviantID, I dream of leaving Rockingham, Richmond County, North Carolina, even the United States. I plan to head off to Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Not only planning or dreaming, but my chances of going are high. Very.
Not many of you know this; I also am planning a trip to visit this summer for preparation, familiarization, and to search for good areas.
Reflecting away your comments of my ignorance and failing to plan out my trip completely, this is what is going to happen.
I am moving to Toronto, point-blank, whether it's now or later. I am moving there when I am eighteen and I plan on sharing a house with a friend or two and/or my boyfriend (most likely) or my girlfriend (least likely). This being said, I do know my money situation, laws, and costs, so please do not comment below acknowledging it.
Cutting to the chase, the whole point of this journal is to update my well-being status, and to break some incredible news.
I have just recently been studying colleges across North Carolina, just as a back up plan. But, mainly, I have discovered:
There is a college in Toronto, Onatario, Canada, where I plan on moving, who meets all of my requirements, and I am very interested in. I have mentioned this to my mother, grandparents, of course, friends, and mainly, my guidance councilor at my school. The great news is, we are filling out applications early next year for this college. It has an international program, it's on-campus, considering I will only be sixteen and not of legal age to be a resident, it offers scholarships, which I will need considering it will be heavily costed because it is out of state and even country, and it offers the field I plan on going into. My best friend ever over the internet, Matthew Gagnon, showed me this college. I could not be in this situation without him. He has been the best big brother ever. I have never been so close to someone over the internet, but to help me like he does, he brightens my day. Every single day. And I cannot thank him enough.
I am overjoyed and super excited. I even woke my mother last night to tell her the news. Even to prove that she has changed, she is getting information mailed to my house and she stood and talked to me about it. Normally, she would have just shot me down and given me a stupid look, but she cares. She is supporting my dreams like she never has.
Let's just say, Mr. Emotional sobbed for about two hours or more. I woke looking like a massacre.
Everything ran back to me like a tidal wave. All my dreams, all of my past, all of my future, my mother and father and family, the words I used to speak, the lies, the truth, everything came in at once. I was so happy, and melancholy, with a touch of intelligence, and a lot of tears.
I cannot express my feelings of joy. But this is my best. Thanks so much guys. You are totally amazing and I love you all.